If you have a question, send it to me at professionalintrovert gmail. Today I want to ponder two relationship questions that recently came my way about introverts who pull away. He recently told me he needs more space. I am not a needy person, and already find there is plenty of space between us. Giving him more space makes me wonder if we are actually really in a relationship. I don't understand how to act in this relationship.
Introversion essential re
I am loving, touchy, intimate. I don't know how I can manage without all those things!
So is a man I've been trying to get to know for a little over a year. I thought this would mean understanding and accepting each other's need for space when life gets stressful. The problem seems to be that we understand it too much.
We wind up pulling away completely from each other, and giving each other too much room. And then it's really difficult to reconnect.
He's worse about it than I am. He'll pull away for up to two weeks at a time. I try to understand, but it drives me insane. Those roles require a large degree of acting like an extrovert. And I think it wears him out. I've dated a few other introverts.
The secrets to dating an introvert
Things were fine with two of them, but another one was just like this guy. I'm about to hang a on my neck: Extroverted Men Only. It's maddening. Learning about introversion is profoundly empowering for many of us. It le us to a level of acceptance that can only enhance our relationships and our humanity.
Tips for dating an introverted man
Introversion and extroversionlike other personality traits, exist on a continuum. Imagine a horizontal line with introversion at one end and extroversion on the other. Most of us fall somewhere between those two extremes, expressing the traits to different degrees and in different ways. And, of course, introversion is only one small part of all the moving parts that make us who we are.
8 dating and relationship standards for introverted men
While it is a handy and nonthreatening label, introversion cannot take all the blame for stresses in a relationship, nor can you assume it's the only reason someone is seeking space in your relationship. That might be part of it, of course, but there could also be other more complex and potentially distressing reasons, such as fearincompatibility, attachment issues, or any one of the myriad things that can cause people to drift or pull apart. The only way to work out problems in a relationship is to talk about them—in depth and at length.
While I know that we introverts are great listeners, we also must know and express our own needs. See my post about introverts' struggle to express needs. Are your needs being received with love, or summarily deflected? Is the other person willing to dating an introverted man you halfway? Are you willing to meet him or her halfway?
Can you be happy with what's being offered? And if not, then what? It's a scary question, I know.
And probably the one you most want to avoid. But if you decide that this is not the relationship for you, at least you'll know that you tried as hard as you could to get both your needs met, and so you can think of it as a "no-fault" breakup: You talked it out and found that the two of you simply need different things from a love relationship. When you turn your sights to finding a new love, think about what you learned about yourself through these discussions.
What are your dating standards? do they reflect your real needs as an introverted man?
dating an introverted man Among the introverts I interviewed for my book, Introverts in Love, about half of those who were in relationships were happily coupled with extroverts —and appreciated the energy, social lifeand out-there-ness that extroverts brought to their lives. The other half did prefer the quiet pleasure of life with a fellow introvert.
Knowing that would be a good thing. Not necessarily horrible or abusive—although that can happen, too—but just wrong. A poor fit. Talk honestly, listen hard, and then talk some more. Introversion is not passivity, it is not avoidance, and it is only part of who we are. Note that anything you buy from Amazon by clicking through from this blog post will earn me a few cents. If they don't carry my books, ask for them! Want to hang out with a bunch of cool introverts?
us on my Facebookor follow me on Twitter or Instagram. The pursuit of calm can itself become a major stressor, especially if you've already tried the standard prescriptions.
In conclusion, your dating and relationship standards:
But there is a path through this conundrum. Sophia Dembling The Introvert's Corner. Introversion How to Date an Introvert Even if you're an introvert, the rules for communication still apply. Introversion Essential Re. About the Author. Read Next. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help.
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Even if you're an introvert, the rules for communication still apply.
May The High Cost of Calm The pursuit of calm can itself become a major stressor, especially if you've already tried the standard prescriptions. Back Today. Essential Re.